Flight Over the Debt Ceiling

A public-service announcement:

(By popular demand, updated version, known as "The Director's Cut")

Scene 1: A view of a large airplane - United States Airlines.
The plane has over 300 million scared passengers.
There are 536 pilots. About half dressed in blue, half in red.

Pilot In Chief Barack Obama - We're running out of fuel, folks. This plane will crash soon. We have to do something now.Rep. Eric Cantor - We can survive only by changing our gas to Red Gas. 
Senator Harry Reid - Red Gas is what we used from 2001-2008 and we almost crashed. No, we need Blue Gas.Republicans in unison - Red Gas!
Democrats in Unison - Blue Gas

Shot of odometer showing fuel declining closer to empty.Passenger 1: C'mon, pilots, this is no way to fly a plane. Can't you all decide on some compromise?

Passenger 2 (an uncanny resemblance to AlanRockville): But we don't really need a compromise, we can just land and then decide which fuel to put in.

Cantor: Absolutely not! We do not land until we put the Red fuel in! That goes first!

Shot of odometer showing fuel declining closer to empty.Reid: OK, I'll take 20 percent Blue, the rest Red.
Cantor: No way! This plane cannot run on any Blue fuel. Red fuel only!

Cantor walks over to Rep. John Boehner, who is dressed in a Santa Claus suit with a button "Prizes for over 200K only!". Rep. Paul Ryan comes over, made into a Scrooge lookalike, holding the Republican proposal.

Boehner: I've got it all together. I'll be Santa Claus once more.
Suddenly, Rep. Nancy Pelosi walks over, and starts speaking a Chico Marx accent.
 

Pelosi: C'mon Boehner, you know your proposal ain't got a Sanity Clause.

In the meantime, former Senators Byrd and Thurmond are having a discussion in Coach:

Thurmond: Sheeet, Byrdie. Obama ain’t gonna be layin’ no rap on yo, mo.

Byrd: Double-negativity Stromie, ain’t talkin’ correct man.

Senator John McCain, walking down the aisle, overhears and approaches

McCain: Excuse me, excuse me, I heard that. Don’t both of you know that Jive is passé? (Hip-hop beat starts playing in background)

McCain (dancing to the beat):

     Oh-bama, Boeh-ner trashin’ talk

     they don’t ever do the walk

 (beat continues and McCain continues his rap as camera fades)

Engine starts to sputter, panic begins.

Passenger 3: Help, we're gonna die.Republican Voice: What do we do?
Boehner: Don't worry, I brought our golden parachutes.

Reid: I want one.

Boehner whispers into Reid's ear.

Reid smiles, whispers back "Sure thing".

Both smile.
 

Passenger 2: I overheard that. No way, if this plane goes, they go first, just like the Titanic. The less fortunate get the parachutes.

Passenger 2 is ignored.

Former Senator Larry Craig approaches the bathroom, where former Rep. Anthony Weiner is waiting looking at pictures.

Craig (tapping and rubbing Weiner twice softly on the tush): Hey Tony, what’s up?

Weiner looks down below his belt buckle, turns back to Craig.
Weiner (smiling): Wanna see?

Obama: Any progress? We're running out of time.
Boehner: No unlimited frequent fliers for you.

Obama: I don't want frequent fliers. I just want to save this plane. Look, saving the plane doesn't mean we'll be using Blue Gas or Red gas in the future. We're just keeping THIS plane intact.

In the back of the plane, Congresswoman Michele Bachman is taping a commercial:
Bachman: I will never allow any gas to be placed on this plane. This plane has used way too much gas. The people of this country want to take it back from the pirates who currently fly it. 

(Music of the "Batman" TV show theme song is crescendoing in background)

Bachman:Better it should crash. I have my parachute and I'm gonna use it.

Voice Chorus sings end of one-word Campaign Theme Song: Da-Da-Da-Da-Da-Da-Da-Da-Da-Da-Da-Da,  Bach-Man!!!)

Back in the front, John Boehner is speaking to his Press Secretary about his Medicare article that was published by AARP:
Boehner:Those Democrats are trying to scare the old people with TV ads showing people falling off a cliff. It's  wrong to use a scare tactic like that.

Press Secretary: Absolutely right, John.

Boehner: Let's tell them the truth, that if you go with the Democrats' plans you'll have 15 unelected bureaucrats who want to spend their time figuring out how they can deny Americans any health care.

Press Secretary: Sounds scary. Do you know those 15 people?

Boehner: Are you kidding? Nobody checks on this, don't worry.

Plane starts spinning out of control. Passengers assume crash positions and pray.

Scene is First Class cabin:

Former President Bill Clinton, in a soon-to-be-awarded-cameo, disheveled with glazed eyes says hoarsely:

 I guess I picked the wrong week to quit smoking pot.

Screen is black, sound of someone “inhaling” a long toke.

Back to the cockpit.
Obama: This is an executive order. I order 10 Gallons of Blue gas and 5 of Red Gas to be placed on this plane immediately!

Just then Justices Roberts, Alito, Scalia, and Thomas appear with Donald Trump.

Scalia: Sorry, Mr. President, you do not have authority to do this. Got five votes right here. 

Obama: But this is National Security!

Thomas: The passengers want a government that does not allow the President to control their lives. Accordingly, they have chosen a special representative pilot to take over from here on.

Obama: Who's that?
 

Trump: Obama, you’re fired!

The Rescue music starts.
 

In walks a smiling Otto The Autopilot. First flight since his appearance in the "Airplane" movies.

Usual movie fade routine to show scene in the past (flashback)…

Congressman Barney Frank: ..Uh oh, the autopilot lost his air, gotta do something…

Frank proceeds to start to blow up the autopilot, suddenly Michele Bachman walks in, sees what is going on, and makes a sour face.

Bachman: This is disgusting, disgusting.

She begins to walk away, but stops and turns around, says after a pause:

Bachman: Hey Barney, can I try?

External shot of airplane. Then back to the cockpit.

Otto is on top of Bachman (she only knows one position on anything..).

Bachman: Going for number 29! Whee!

Leslie Nielsen suddenly walks in the door

Nielsen: I’d just like to say “Good Luck, we’re counting on you”.

Nieslon exits.

Fade: Back to the present

Congressman Barney Frank: Just got Otto inflated. Bachman agreed to help. Ready to go.

Bachman: God bless Otto, such great ideas. Paul, tell them what we decided.

Congressman Ryan, on the mike, to all Passengers and Crew: (Gotta fix my hair first...OK) All right everyone, Otto has a solution to get us some gas before we land. Everyone eat those beans really fast now - we're counting on you. Mr. Brooks, you too.

Eating and flatulating can be heard throughout the plane. Gas is emitted.

Obama: A true bipfartisan solution - and a small, shared sacrifice by every citizen.

Passenger 1: We're gonna make it. God bless America.

Patriotic music plays, and the plane lands successfully.

(The end) 

Cast: 
Barack Obama - Bill Cosby
Michele Bachman - Julia Louis-Dreyfus
John Boehner - Alec Baldwin
Eric Cantor - Charlie Sheen
Paul Ryan - Steven Colbert
Nancy Pelosi - Talia Shire
Larry Craig - John Waters
Anthony Weiner - Jon Stewart
Barney Frank - Jay Leno
Harry Reid - Woody Allen
Harry Byrd - Hal Holbrook
Strom Thurmond - Richard Dreyfuss
John McCain - Steve Martin
Trump and Clinton play themselves
(Still working on the others, but we could always use "Saturday Night Live" people)


Author's note: We are in a serious situation. We must all do our part to make sure the plane of our government continues to fly. A crash would mean a loss of net income for many of us. Isn't that even worse than getting your taxes raised? 

Raising the debt ceiling does not increase the debt one penny, it just gives the government permission to borrow to pay its existing expenses.  It does not make you pay a penny more of taxes, it does not cause you to lose one penny of benefits.

On a personal note, I was told by an employer that hiring is delayed because of the budget impasse. How many are in my shoes? Think about the Golden Rule, think about what you would do and then urge Congress to do the same.

By the way, here is Boehner's AARP article - I wasn't making this up. 

http://www.aarp.org/politics-society/advocacy/info-07-2011/republican-medicare-plan-john-boehner.html

To see the original Otto, here's the clip (with Hebrew subtitles, too). Now I can hear the sound effect when Otto is satisfied.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxcoe1Y2Ua8&feature=related

A Pending Debt Default and the Attack on My Country

September 11, 2001 was an eye-opener for many of us, including myself. I remember looking at the computer screen at the live feed from NY in total astonishment and disbelief. After both towers were hit, I wondered what would happen next - was this an invasion? Was my fiance OK (she was in NY on business - I took the last shuttle back from NY to DC the prior night). Later I watched the white smoke rise from the Pentagon - I worked only 5 miles from it. It was all surreal and frightening.

In subsequent months I began to hear that the U.S. was "warned" of the attack, but no one believed it would really happen.

Today, July 20th 2011, on my wife's and my 9th wedding anniversary, I am fearing another attack.

I did not personally suffer from the 9/11 attack, but the one that may be coming will, I believe, bring hard times to many people of this country.

This "attack" is the massive slowdown in our economy, caused by the deliberate decision in the United States Congress to default on the debt - by refusing to raise the debt ceiling.

The projected effects are even more frightening than 9/11. First, it will effect more people. Millions. Higher interest rates will mean a slowdown and people will be laid off. Also, there will be less consumer borrowing - even on essentials such as housing. And, even more frightening, I believe people will die - because of a combination of increased stress and less money due to unemployment.

This attack can be easily stopped, we all know how to do it.

While I agree that we must tackle the deficit and debt, now is not the time. Not when we have 9.2 percent unemployment. The appropriate times are either the election or during the budget debate itself. We have a divided Congress. Democrats have to wake up as to who won in 2010 and Republicans have to remember that they only won one election that gave them control of only one of the three avenues of Government (the courts make a fourth). Posturing can really be done at any time except when our lives depend on decisions that have to do with survival.

I will not go into detail here about the proposed budget cuts and tax increases. For the record I will probably go along with a compromise that Congress and the President agree on.

But I want to make one thing absolutely clear - my warning to Congress:

Any member of Congress who allows the U.S. debt to default will commit the moral equivalent of deliberately allowing the United States of America to suffer a deadly military attack.

A member of Congress who forces a debt default will have committed an act of betrayal to my country equivalent to treason. I will personally move to make a citizens arrest. I will move to have this person impeached and removed from Congress.

I will not allow our people to suffer because of this attack.

To Congress: Please put reason and compassion in your decision-making.

Thanks for reading.
Update 7/25/11: I visited Congress last week and left letters that state what I said above. Please, if you agree, do the same.

Also, I'm trying to find a movie-maker who can, on short notice, produce an Internet film that would simulate the effects of the disaster that would occur if the US defaults or if interest rates rise. If you know anyone please respond to this post. (BTW: I had a post last year that has the same concept: http://alanrockville.blogspot.com/2010/04/defeating-tea-movement.html )

Analogy: Our debt default would be akin to "national" foreclosure.

"Think of America as being passengers on an airplane that is running out of gas with 535 pilots on board. Experts say the plane will crash unless a decision is made by the pilots either to land the plane now or put gas in. The problem is that half the pilots want Gas brand “R”, half want gas brand “D”.

"Nobody budges. Nobody wants to land the plane now, all pilots want to decide on the brand of gas BEFORE landing.

"OK, pilots, what do you do?

"And don’t tell me that the plane isn’t going to crash: If you would like to stay on the plane and be THE FIRST to suffer the consequences of the crash, be my guest. But I’m a passenger and I don’t want to crash!

Just land the plane!!! Now!!!!"


Update 7/26/11 - First: I went to Congress and dropped off about 20 copies of my letter which has the stuff that's above.
Second: Just thought of this: In their 2001-2008 budgets, the Republicans wanted to be Santa Claus. Now they want to be Scrooge. And their current budget plan has no sanity clause (Thanks, Chico)