The word "orphan" refers to a person who has lost his or her parents. "Widow" or "widower" refers to one who loses a spouse.
But what word exists for one who loses a child? Especially three.
And what can we call someone who loses three children in a war but is not bitter and goes on promoting reconciliation?
Perhaps the most tear-jerking true story I have heard recently is the one of Dr. Izzeldin Abuelaish, an Arab-Muslim doctor (OBGYN) in Gaza who works in Israeli and Palestinian hospitals. He and his family live in the Jabalia Camp in Gaza, Palestine (his parents are from the area near the Harat Shikmin ranch that is now occupied by the Sharon family). Last September 16th, Dr. Abuelaish became a widow as his wife succombed to leukemia. Exactly 4 months later, on January 16th, Dr. Abuelaish lost 3 of his 8 children to a tank shell in the Gaza war (the Israeli IDF has acknowledged shooting it as they suspected a militant hideout). During all of this time (and prior to the loss of his wife), the doctor was promoting reconciliation between Palestine and Israel. On the fatal day in January, Abuelaish was about to be interviewed by Israeli TV to give a first-hand account of the war (reporters were not let in) when the bomb hit. The moments afterward are documeted on TV (This is the raw segment).
Since that tragedy, Dr. Abuelaish made a conscious decision to make lemonade out of lemons. He came to the U.S. to speak to various groups. I saw him last Monday night at the "Peace Cafe", which is at the restaurant "Busboys and Poets" in Washington DC (the cafe is run by Ari Roth of the DC Jewish Community Center and Andy Shallal, a Iraqi-born American citizen and owner of Busboys). The event was sponsored by "Americans for Peace Now". (I also heard the audio of an event he was the speaker at on the following day.)
I forgot my cell phone, so I don't have any pictures of the event. Dr. Abuelaish is not too tall, a bit stocky, clean-shaven, and well-dressed. He speaks fluent Hebrew and his English is pretty good. In his message, he spoke of how he felt that this tragedy was divine fate (though it was "man-made"), with the message that he needs to pursue the message of reconciliation (he does not like the "vagueness" of the word "peace"). So he showed us pictures of Gaza, pictures of his children on the beach (they wrote a message on the sand as though they foresaw their own death, he said). He wishes to make something positive that is bigger than the tragedy itself. His main point was that prior to working out specifics of a policy or agreement, the two sides must truly begin to understand the "humanity" of each other (and he sees himself doing his part to fulfill that role, calling on others to take action to do the same). Finally, he said that he will establish a Foundation for Women's Health in his children's name, as it is "time for women to be the decision makers" in the world.
His speech reminded me of one I saw just a year ago at my nephew's graduation from Northeastern U in Boston. The main speaker was a student whose mother, a psychologist, was murdered 3 months prior. The student spoke of looking ahead and "making lemonade out of lemons".
I briefly spoke to Dr. Abuelaish afterwards about his work (I shared some personal stories about some life challenges). He was so kind and gave me his business card. I understand he is nominated for a Nobel Prize, so if he gets it I can call him personally - really cool!
If we only had more role models like Dr. Izzeldin Abuelaish....
Thanks for reading.
Update 05 June 2010: I've been in recent contact with Dr. Abuelaish, he's safely in Canada working and teaching at a University. His philosophy has not changed. He has a website dedicated to a fund he has established to promote the advancement of women
Update 21 August 2011: Dr. Abuelaish was kind enough to send me a signed copy of his book: "I Shall Not Hate". I'm reading it now and will comment in a future post.
